Spanking

Recently in my Stay at Home Catholic Mom's - yahoo group, there was a heated discussion on the controversial issue of spanking your children. I was thinking after all this debate, where I stood exactly on this issue. So after a bit of thinking on it, I thought I'd post my thoughts on the issue.

If someone asks me if I believe in spanking, my first reaction is always a good strong no, but in certain circumstances, it's okay. So after thinking about that lately, I've changed my thoughts. I don't really think in any circumstance a spanking is okay. I actually think it's quite hypocritical to tell your child that it's not okay to hit and then when they're doing something displeasing to you (or to someone else) they get a spank. Hmm... doesn't sound quite right there. Aren't we supposed to be the examples? By spanking, aren't we saying that it's okay to hit someone if they're doing something you don't think is okay?

I don't want to write this and lead anyone to believe that I haven't given Landen a swat before, because I certainly have but I always find myself feeling very disappointed in myself after the fact. I know in my gut (that good ol' motherly instinct) it wasn't the right thing to do, I lost my temper and didn't do what I should have done in the beginning, before it got to that point. A lot of times it's the last straw - "oh my gosh, I'm so mad, you aren't listening - swat." If would have stood back - said a Hail Mary, (and I used to do this when I was getting really upset, it gave me awhile to step back and look over the situation before I took action. I don't know why I quit doing that.) and then dealt with it, I know the outcome would have been a lot better.

Let me give you a little example of what I mean - by dealing with it before it gets to the point of wanting to give a spanking. I'm on the computer, he running around basically doing what he wants (to a certain degree), doing things that if I was paying better attention too he wouldn't be doing. Then he's hitting the keyboard, making the CD burner go in and out, the CD drive in and out, turning off the monitor, picking at Amelia.. I keep just saying "stop it" because I want to do what I want to do. Finally it's so irritating that I'm mad and would want to give him a swat because he's not listening. Please, if I would have dealt with it in the beginning, none of that would have happened. I try very hard not to let things like this happen - it's my vocation as a mother to tend to my children's needs and teach them without flying off the handle because I wasn't doing my job for awhile. Not that there aren't times that you need to have some time to yourself (a topic for another time), it's hard being a wife and mom but you also need to be a good mother and teach them while they're young. Be the example to them.

I also have to point out that the way that I parent my child makes it quite easy to not need to spank. I think for the most part we've mastered The Look, that Dr. Sears talks so much about. I praise Landen a lot, every little thing he does (some may think it's a little to much - but there can never be too much praising in my opinion) so when I give him the look of disappointment, he usually knows he shouldn't be doing what he's doing. Not to say that he doesn't test me, because he does on a daily basis, but I believe he knows what he shouldn't be doing - as far as a 2 1/2 year old boy can.

I have to throw in here too - the words I hear far to often from people, and this relates to spanking. "Well, my parents did it to us, and we turned out pretty good." Honestly there is something about that that really gets me worked up. I hate when people say that about things. It can pretty much be said for everything and it's a load of garbage. There are lots of things that our older generations did that were fads that weren't the right thing to do. Not everything because a lot of things that our generation is doing that the past wasn't - is not right (once again a topic for another time). However, I do initially follow what my parents did/do, because I know that they look into things, they don't just follow the crowd because that's what everyone else is doing at the time. BUT, I look into everything myself (Kurt and I look into it) before making a final decision on what I'm going to do.


Really, I don't think that people should spank their children. Have I occasionally swatted Landen, of course but I do feel badly about it afterwards and know that it wasn't the right thing to do. I have an easy to manage little guy and there is absolutely no reason to ever hit him. I wouldn't want someone to hit me if I was doing something wrong and really hitting is never okay for anyone to do. It's mean and cruel. There are other ways to discipline, loving ways. I don't think you should have no discipline, it's important, but there are lots of different ways. We're still testing the waters, let me tell you. Right now we're doing "quiet time" and when I say that - Landen isn't alone sitting there. I'm sitting there talking to him and then we're just quiet for awhile. It doesn't always go smoothly, but it's working. We expect please, thank you, sorry, etc, as much as a 2 1/2 year old can be expected to do - and it's not a lot.

From this post, I want to get across that there are other ways to discipline and I think our "non- spanking" approach is working quite well. With a few mishaps thrown in there. Hey, I'm not perfect and I'm trying and failing everyday. =)

Also, I'm sure throughout this post I have a lot of "I" do this with our children. Kurt and I parent together as a team and everything we do is decided together.