I'm sick of being looked at as odd because of ...
Not vaccinating, having a home birth, not letting the kids cry it out, having a water birth, nursing until they wean themselves, nursing while pregnant, co-sleeping, staying home with my kids and not working, not spanking, using natural family planning, using cloth diapers, wearing my baby, surely other things that aren't fresh in my mind, and doing what I think is absolutely the right thing.
How come the things that aren't natural and are definitely wrong are so accepted, but the things we do are looked at as wrong and unsafe, when they are natural and safe? At times these things catch up with me, people's looks, stares and comments eat at me and it makes me sad.
About Me
- Andrea
- Hi and welcome! I'm a 27 year old Catholic wife and mom. I'm married to my wonderful husband and we have three darlings and an angel in heaven. I'm a stay at home mom and truly love my vocation as a wife and mother. This blog is a hobby for me. It's me talking through the keyboard.
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17 comments:
Imagine the two of us, walking through the park with our babies snuggling in their wraps--our unvaccinated boys running wild by our sides--with our noses in the air, making confident eye contact with anyone who dares to be snobby and JUST BEING OURSELVES! It's so much easier when you're not alone. And you know what, we're NOT alone, really. Blogging friends ARE real friends and sometimes (at least in my experience) they're better friends than most "in real life"--I'm so glad I foud you and that we are so much a like in our odd ball ways! *hugs*
You have no reason in the world to be feeling that way. You are a terrific mother and doing exactly what you should do...what you feel is right for your baby. This world accepts so much of the 'wrong' things and calls them right. Who says you have to be or do what THEY do? I wish I had half of the courage to do as you do with those topics. I read your blog to see how to improve ME. Those people are just jealous...instead of trying to better themselves, they try to drag you down with them. As for nasty comments...trash 'em. Keep being the mom and woman you are.
The reasons you listed here are many of the reasons we all love you. :) So there!
I run into to, it. It's hard. You know what, though? I think a lot of those stares & glares are because those people don't dare to be different. They don't challenge the norm, like you do, and that takes courage and wisdom.
Your kids are better off. And you're a better person. What they have is most likely only temporary, because they're not "real". I'd take a friend like you to them any day.
stand firm in what you believe. dont let the looks get 2 you. even those small looks at a grocery store when your child has a poopie diaper in cloth.. or you use an eco friendly produce bag. Forget the looks ;-) you may look different some days from your healthier choices.. but you know whats best for you and your family. I smile proudly and dont let those looks bother me!
Although the vaccination thing annoys me very much.. they just assume we dont do our homework.
or dont love our child.
but i still try to just turn the other cheek :-)
on the home birth thing.. my friend just had her 3rd baby at home this week. she had planned to have a midwife present.. didnt happen. she went to take a shower and the baby decided to come!! she caught the 9 lb 8 oz baby all by herself, in the shower.. while her husband was napping.
I know how you feel...the main one for me is using cloth diapers and MAINLY not vaccinating...it's like they look at you and think "what is wrong with her? She's not doing the right thing..." But, you know, we are the parents of OUR children and we ARE doing what's right for our children - and I'd say we're doing a much better job than those who just 'go with the flow' of what "everyone says" we should do. Keep it up Andrea!
Thanks to all of you who have commented - I didn't mean to post this and have anyone feel sorry for me. Usually I have no problem letting things like this roll right off my back. Sometimes though the people that I feel like I should have some connection w/ I find out I don't. Or I'm overwhelmed with the look as if they're thinking I'm an unfit parent.
Sharon - I try to stay away from the norm, it scares me!! =)
Andrea I too think we're doing a better job than people that just go with the flow.
Thanks for all the kind words, it means a lot. I am thankful for your friendships! *hugs*
Hi ...I just found your blog the other day and am new to the blogging world I don't have A blog yet but I am hoping to make one... I just wanted to let you know that it is really so nice to meet another catholic mother like myself, that's the same age, and does all the same things as me.... I really don't feel so 'alone' ...so thanks so much for sharing and I loved your Sleep Tight, Don't Let The Bed Bugs Bite post ... I so agree with you ...keep up the great work ! And don't let all the other people that do the same thing get you down ! anyways thanks again ...
Maybe I'm being snotty but personally I LIKE being "different"...I can see a difference between my child and most mainstream kids and I'm glad I do it my way.
I'm somewhere in between - I do some of the things you do and don't do some. I think judging anything a mother does is so very wrong. I believe all parents are doing the best they can, even if that best falls far below what we would do. Some of the things other people do aren't "wrong" either, just different. Anyway, when people look at me funny I just pray for them. You know you are a good mom and that's all that matters. Also, thanks to the internet you know you're not the only one doing these things. When I first started co-sleeping I had no idea other people did it or that it even had a name or philosophy attached! I didn't own a computer. The only moms I knew were the ones I met at the park. All I knew was that I wanted sleep!!! So at least you have the internet friends going for you. You're a great mom. God bless you!!
Some of the comments sting a little. Do you honestly think that I am less of a mother because I don't let my baby sleep in my bed? Ouch. That's giving ME the same treatment that you despise. I have no problem with you doing the things you do. I just can't sleep while worrying about my husband wacking the baby in the head while we sleep! Not to mention that I am a terribly light sleeper and it just wouldn't work for us.
I would love to have a home water birth, but my husband would freak because he thinks its too scary.
Anyway, to my best friend Andrea, and to you, Andrea, it feels like you just called me a bad mom, and that makes my heart hurt. Aren't we all doing the best thing in our own circumstances?
I was shocked today as I waited at the doctors waiting room to hear a mother say she wished the Doctor would give her middle child ADHD drugs!
Was the child out of control? NO! She became upset when the parents gave the eldest daugther their mobile phone to play with. There were a few tears as the elderly child teased her sister about it.
My goodness WHY would parents want their child on mind & mood altering drugs???It beggars belief! Thankfully their Doctor has refused thus far to cede to their request..Do parents really want zombied out children? Unbelievable!
Sorry to go off topic but that mothers remark really got me cross. BTW the child in question was only 4 years old!
Peace to you Andrea:) I am sure you are a wonderful mother to your children:).
Marie oxoxoxo
Stacey, I am sorry if your feelings were hurt. My comment was not intended to do that. You obviously have thought out WHY you do what you do and are not going with the flow of everyday things. You and I both know that we do not agree on everything when it comes to raising our children. You have thought it out and are trying to do the best thing -- as well as I am.
Hey Andrea-I got your back. ;)
Kidding! I know we're all friends here.
I just wanted to add that I think us co-sleeping families who practice NFP, extended bfing, etc feel the burn more because we are NOT the "norm", so it's harder to find other parents who don't think we're so odd, etc. Obviously that isn't the case here in cyberspace, but it can be hard to come by in real life. (my point to Stacey, here). For those that do the "norm", it's not that we'd think you're a bad parent, but it seems much more support is offered to parents doing the expected, so it's hard to handle the comments when there seems to be a lack of support, to begin with.
I agree with Sharon--and I wanted to add a note to Stacey that Andrea was more defending her decisions as a mother than pointing fingers. She was merely saying that she feels cast out sometimes--like people automatically disapprove of her parenting style without asking WHY she does what she does. We've all established that everyone is different and raises kids however it works for them and I GUARANTEE Andrea didn't mean to hurt anyone--I know her and I know her first priority is to raise her kids in the best way she knows how and to NOT be snotty in any way, Keep reading her blog and see what a gem she really is :oD
Hey Andrea...I think that it's really important for us as mothers to follow our own hearts and do what works best for us in each of our own personal situations...the things that work for one mommy may not be the ideal for others, etc. Anyhow...I chose to quit nursing Noah when he turned 1 (I'm answering a question you asked long ago, finally..lol) because it just seemed like time for us..when I had him my goal was a year, and we definitely made it that far, but I could see that he would have been much harder to wean further down the line!! In regards to your question from yesterday, it's horrible, but I completely forgot about the Flo...I'm so embarassed too because it was like a month ago...I put it in a safe place so the kids wouldn't get to it, and then I forgot about it (the whole out of sight, out of mind thing) I apologize profusely, and hope we are still going to be friends :D I don't have a car right now (it decided to break, AGAIN...I'm not bitter) anyhow, I know I'll be in town in Thursday so I'm making a trip to the Post Office....again, I'm so so sorry..please forgive my forgetfullness, and KEEP raisin' your kiddos the way that YOU feel works for you ...you're an awesome mama!!
I know you didn't intend to be hurtful, but sometimes we have to watch how we say things.
I can tell you're a great mom! I actually just came to tell you that you won something at TOP yesterday and got sucked into reading. We're a lot alike!
I'll email you...
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