After many discussions with different people I have come to realize that not many people feel the same way I do about babies, (toddlers even for that matter) sleeping habits. Even more the entire co-sleeping thing in general. It's like a foreign land that people can't grasp and understand. We've been lead to believe that children will be spoiled if you bring them into your own bed, tend to their every need and that babies do sleep through the entire night.
So.. why am I writing about this? I don't know, maybe to just get it off of my mind and this 'place' is almost like a journal for me. This subject is one of my pet peeves - I hate it when people ask me if my kids are sleeping through the night. It fires something up deep down within and I want to just scream. I've gotten to the point that I say - "no, in my opinion I don't think most babies do" and of course a strange look is given back and that's the end of the conversation. Thank goodness!
I really don't think most babies do sleep through the night - maybe they go through some little time period that they don't wake up for 6 hours or so... but very soon they're going to be waking up again. Especially if they're breastfed.. rich wonderful breast milk is digested more quickly that they become hungrier sooner. And what about while they're growing inside of you - they're being fed continuously and growing, why would you expect them to not be hungry for a long period of time once they finally arrive? Aren't they still growing?
Maybe this irks me more than others because I don't have to actually physically get up in the night with a baby. Amelia (and Landen when he was younger) is curled up next to me all night long. A lot of the time I don't even know when I wake up and nurse her, it's instinct. Maybe I would complain, ask this question if I was up all the time. I'd be wondering why my child wasn't normal in what people have been lead to believe is normal. Or is it that people don't know any better, sounds like a good question to ask a parent. Maybe I'm being to harsh, lashing out for no reason, It's just something I don't get why anyone would ask. I don't even sleep the entire night without waking up, I don't know how a child would be any different.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
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6 comments:
I think your child is perfectly normal. I do think that when you co sleep the child may want to nurse longer at night than if they were in a seperate room. I cant speak from personal experience though because I was unable to nurse my boys. I pumped for them but even with that it was in a bottle for them. So I never really had the pleasure of leaning over and nursing.. I kind of wish I had that experience.. but I dont.
My experience was I kept the boys was I kept them in a packnplay beside our bed until they were a few months old. Taite actually stayed longer than that.. and spent a lot more time in our bed than Caleb. Caleb was much larger than Taite though and seemed ready to be in a crib much sooner.
He also slept through the night (I said the words hehehe) at like a week old.. im serious. 8 hours... one week old....
it was a dream come true for me being a new mom.
Taite though it took until he was 5 months or so to consistently sleep through the night. Some nights he'd do it.. other times he wouldnt.. but once he was about 5 mo. it was a regular thing for him to go to sleep at 8pm and sleep until 6 , 7 or 8am.
Now at 1 he sleeps 7:30 or 8pm - 7:30 or 8 am every morning. Rarely does he wake up in the night... and if he does its for two reasons.
1. a messy diaper
2. a scary dream
I weened Taite off bottle feeding at night when he was a few months old by reducing the amt of food he got night (at like 2 or 3am).
I heard somewhere that babies continue to wake up at night because its what their bodies are use to. almost like an internal alarm clock. They wake up at that 2am time wanting to eat.. beacuse thats what they've always done.
So I trained Taite slowly to not want that 2am feeding.. each time I reduced the amt. of milk he woke up less in less. it was almost like the 2 oz he got wasnt worth it to him :-)
This worked well for both my kids ... and im thankful it did.. because I am the type of mom who needs a lot of sleep to function :-)
But I think if you can nurse a baby in bed and it doesnt affect your mood or sleep .. then go for it. It just wouldnt of worked for me.
and my husband was not one to allow a baby to sleep in our bed either.. he still doesnt like it even if its with Caleb. He doesnt mind Caleb snuggling or wanting to sleep with us during a storm.. but Travis would never allow our kids to sleep in our bed on a regular basis.. thats just how he was brought up.
I hope this is making sense :-)
But I think whatever works for you, works.. and dont let anyone make you think you arent NORMAL because your child likes their mama :-)
I am glad that you are doing what you feel is right. I nursed both of my boys and did the same thing. Frick liked it, Frack did not. Frack wanted to thrash and move and play. He sleeps in his crib all night, but when he wakes, I am in there rocking him. But if I bring him into bed, the thrashing and playing begins. Frick, who is 3, slept with us for a while and he also slept in his bed. Now, if he has a scary dream, he makes his way to our bed. I LOVE having him in bed with me. My husband, however, does not. He likes his space. But, he also understands that sometimes it is the only way to get him back to sleep. Long story short...you do what YOU feel you need to do. If it works for you, do it. Your children will love you no matter what you do. I think you are a great mother. :)
Well I'm pretty sure you already know my feelings on this subject but I wanted to say I've learned to give a very vague response to nosey strangers' stupid questions...If they ask if she sleeps thru the night I don't say yes or no I say something like "she's a great sleeper"..I don't need their opinion either way!
It's unfortunate how America views the practice of co-sleeping, when many other countries view it as the norm.
I am a fan of co-sleeping, and we BOTH (my dh and I) love it. Aidan slept with us in our bed until he was about 2.5, and then he slept in a twin bed next to our bed (literally touching) until a few weeks ago. He'll be 4 on Saturday, and he knows he is always welcome in our bed. He wanders in most night around 4 AM and snuggles in.
Co-sleeping is the style where we all get the most sleep. I have done research (& blog posts) disputing those that say it's not "safe". Heck, Dr. Sears and especially dr. McKenna have offered many studies showing it can actually be safer for a baby than crib sleeping.
I never expect a child to consistently sleep through the night before age 1. I know many DO, but I don't expect it, nor do I think we SHOULD expect that.
I may get flamed here or be offensive, but oh well. I really think the increase in working mothers has directly changed society's views on what babies should do. We rush them into sleeping and reaching other milestones because it's more convenient for the mother, who has to get up and go to work outside the home. (which, most often, is NOT really adding to the family income).
Sorry to vent for so long. Great post and great topic!
We co-slept with our first and second kids. We just loved, loved, loved all waking up together in the morning. And my oldest didn't "sleep through the night" until he was at least 2. We finally moved the two of them to a room together when they were 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 respectively. It worked great because then they slept together and it helped them with the transition. Baby #3 was like one of the babies mentioned above - he did NOT like being in bed with us. He tossed and turned and woke up loudly and unhappily all night long. Finally in desperation I stuck him in his own crib and he slept through the night at 6 months. Now, by the time #4 came, I was used to having my bed to myself and wanted to keep it that way, so I put her in her own room at 3 months. She has never slept through the night consistently (she's now 15 months), but we are happy with the arrangement anyway - taking turns going to her (she doesn't always want to nurse, she's actually not much of a nurser). I never regretted sleeping with the first two, but neither do I regret not sleeping with the others. I guess my point is - people need to do whatever works for them at that time in their life. Where mom, dad, and baby sleep is between mom, dad, and baby, and no one else. You shouldn't have to explain yourself to anybody - either way. Blessings!
We never co-slept, mostly because I am a very light sleeper, and have sleep problems as it is. Also, I was always scared that my husband would wack the baby in the middle of the night. I have experienced elbows to the head, etc so I didn't feel it was safe in our bed!
As far as sleeping through the night. I agree with Drea. Mostly it's just habit for babies. I don't agree with making a small baby cry it out, but once they are ready, and mom is ready, it's ok. Bria just started sleeping through the night a few weeks ago, and I think she is a MUCH happier baby since then. She also started having better, more consistent naps during the day.
Really though, every family and every baby is different. You do what works for you.
There will always be those stupid questions that people ask, whether it's about sleeping through the night, or if they eat sold foods at 2 months old, or if they can crawl at 4 months. Yes, I have had all these questions asked of me, and I just wonder how much these people know about babies!
But what drives me nuts more than that, is when someone sticks their fingers in my child's mouth!!! I just about screamed at this woman at church who did that to Bria. AHHHHH!
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